I woke up a bit grumpy and bleary eyed yesterday. For some reason it made sense to me the night before to stay up til 1.30am and watch the Voice on catch-up on a school night. I think I was hankering for a little 'me time' in the whirlwind that is my life. Funny what we *think* we need.
So in the morning I had that feeling around my eyes where tears felt one insensitive comment away. I then got some fair feedback on a talk I had given (that I had done with a full heart and given my all to )that maybe my attention and been a little bit more on me than the audience. Ouch (it was probably true) - tears sprang up. Then I loped to my next appointment - a coaching session with all sorts of gloomy feelings, trying (and failing) to ignore them.
I was starting a new coaching relationship with a business woman. She really reminds me of me. She was all - 'So, what is this coaching thing, how does it work and what will I get out of it. Exactly What are we doing!? (The sub text seemed to me: I am busy - is this worth my time.)
Luckily I had previously had a chance to do a deep intake with her and spend two days with her on a team training - so I knew we had a connection - but in that moment I got her no-nonsense impatient self. (She wanted to work on her patience.)
I noticed how inadequate I felt (although I have been coaching busy business women for 25 years) I suddenly didn't know anything about anything. I was my mood.
And I kind of gave up. Not as in defeat but as in, myself. I gave up my ''me-ness little me' mood. And I just showed up present and attentive and listened and said what whatever made sense. By the end of the session we were so deeply in a state of peace and presence that felt timeless. And she finished with 'that was a really valuable use of my time.' And her eyes were shining.
I had my mood, but I was not my mood. Giving up my little mind can leave space for the big Mind to come and carry me where we both needed to go. And that journey was so much nicer than wherever I was headed.